I really miss direct deposit. I always had it, but our payroll system isn't that advanced yet. So now I actually have to go to the ATM and and put it in envelope and stick the envelope in the little slot. I know it seems like I'm crying over nothing, but think about the challenges related to this process. Just the act of putting the check in the envelope is dangerous. Yes, I have dawn blood doing just this, and a paper cut on your tongue is not fun. Then you have to put in your card and enter that stupid number, like anyone can remember it. The screen asks you for the amount of the deposit. Umm, wait, that's on the check. Great, you made it though the sealing part unscathed and now you have to do it all over again. So now you have a brand new deposit envelope, the deposit amound fresh in your mind, and a band aid on your upper lip (no so lucky this time). You enter the amount and he machine begins its slow, high-pitched, insert envelope NOW beeping. Your pulse begins to quicken and the race has begun. Can you make your deposit in time before the ATM thinks you got scared and ran away? It's usually when the machine has just gripped onto the envelope that you realize you forgot to endorse the check. Now engaged in a full out war with the slot, the winner gets the envelope. So after 5 minutes of grunting, sweating, and punching the display panel, the machine lets you have your deposit back. You may have won the battle, but not the war. Worse yet, you have just seriously pissed off an Automatic Teller Machine. Very carefully, you open the deposit envelope. The machine continues its rhythmic beeping. Maybe its just the stress of the situation, but you can swear that the beeps are forming the words "Ha Ha, you don't have a pen!" The same phrase, over and over and over. You lose it. "SHUT UP GOD DAMMIT! YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! I'LL FIND A PEN, THEN I'LL SHOVE THIS ENVELOPE UP YOUR FEDERALY INSURED ASS!" Finding a pen doesn't prove too difficult. One of the fourteen people waiting in line behind you usually has one. Now you are ready to face The Machine. Envelope in hand, endorsed check inside, another band aid on your upper lip, you proceed to insert the deposit. Wait, something's not right. Why isn't The Machine putting up a fight? You sneek a peek down at the envelope and quickly realize the "Insert this way" arrow is pointing to you. Ahh, Tricky sonuvabitch. "Look! What's that over there!?!" you scream. Twenty-three heads turn. Quickly, you turn the envelope around while The Machine is distracted. The agonizing beeping stops. You grab your card and receipt and sprint to your car before The Machine figures out what happened. Ah, Victory. You lay back in the driver's seat and slip into an exhausted sleep. At that very same time in Alabama, a Truck Stop restroom attendant's account gets a little bit bigger.