I finally began the process of recovering my cell phone. I was smart enough to get insurance on it, so I called up Verizon to get a replacement. They were very sympathetic to my loss, but informed me that I needed to file a police report to complete my claim. A police report? I think the Tampa police department has a lot more important things to do than listen to how I lost my cell phone. But hey, I gotta do it, so I called. I immediately got their automated answering service. "Press one if you are calling to report a lost cellular telephone". I hung up immediately and just started cracking up. I never knew the wireless industry had such a good working relationship with our nation's police forces.
I called back and eventually got an officer.
| Officer: | So where exactly did you lose your phone? |
| Me: | (Trying not to explode with laughter) Well, I don't really know. If I did, then we wouldn't be having this conversation. |
| Officer: | Just give me a street intersection of where you may have had it last |
| Me: | Well, I was at Chatterbox, so I guess Swann and Howard |
| Officer: | Why did you wait so long to report this? |
| Me: | Ummm, I was kinda busy, and I was trying to find it before I made a claim. Why is that so important? |
| Officer: | I'll ask the questions |
| Tell him. Tell him the liberator who destoyed my property has realigned my perception | |
| Officer: | Have you recently made enemies with someone who might want to seperate you from your property? |
| Reject the basic assumption of civilization, espicially the importance of material posessions | Me: | What? |
| Officer: | Son, this is serious. |
| Me: | Look, no one takes this more serious than me! That cell phone was my life, OK? I loved every digitally stored number in that thing! That was not just a phone that got lost, It was ME!! I would like thank the Academy... |
| Officer: | Is this not a good time for you? |
| Just tell him you fuckin' did it. Tell him you just thew it away. That's what he want's to hear. | |
| Me: | Wait, are you telling me that I'm a suspect? |
| Officer: | No, no. I may need to talk to you a little further so how about you just lettin' me know if you're gonna leave town, OK? |
| Me: | Ok. |
Actually, it was quite a painless process. I gave the insurace agent the police report number and they sent me a new phone the next day. I still have my same number, so you all can call my cell again.
Posted by mgrasso at December 10, 2001 12:54 AM