I think I broke a rib! This is very mean, but very funny!

1) Extend arm. 2) Smack head 3) Repeat So Beth emails me about free tickets to watch McEnroe, Courier, and some other older tennis stars play this weekend at the Ice Palace. She has that deal where email forwards are an attachment instead of part of the message, so I replied "Sorry sweetie, I can think of better things to do than watch indoor tennis between a bunch of has-beens". Hit Reply. Except I replied to the HR lady at her hospital. I still can't stop laughing!

Pretty sickening Telemarketers now have a device which bypasses that thing that stops telemarketers. Hmmm, let's spend a lot of money to call people who will absolutely not buy a single thing from us.

Posting to my website is not a work related activity Here is a list of everything Bart Simpson wrote on the blackboard.

My Favorite: "I will not yell 'She's Dead' during roll call"

Oh wow Mike, really. The Gators play three Florida Schools next year

A Week to myself Wow, I finally have a week of nothing. Nothing going on and I'm happier than George Michael in a public bathroom. Well, the last post was from Seattle, which was really cool. Microsoft definalely knows how to lay down the cash in the name of fun. We stayed in Seattle throughout the weekend in hopes of hitting the slopes that weekend. All week, the news was forcasting temps in the low 40's and not much snow, so we were kinda nervous that conditions wouldn't be favorable. Oh how wrong they were. Saturday in the Cascades was just at the borderline freezing level. It was crazy. It was slightly drizzling at the bottom of the mountain, and snowing at the top. Ok, right. I haven't skied since I was like four. My first goal was to get on the lift and get off at the top without falling. Mission accomplished I might add. 10 feet down the slope and I was on my ass. I didn't give up. I was on a difficult slope. So what if it was a 'beginner' slope named holiday and I was the oldest person by 15 years. You have no idea how good 8 year olds can be. After a bit, I got the hang of it. Eventually I braved a 'blue' slope (Alpine). Yeah, so at one point I did a complete backward summersault, but hey, it was all in good fun. We finally headed back towards the lodge, an easy trail back in. No problem, right. Four hours of skiing with no problems. Hit a patch of soft snow, twisted my left ski under my right, and the left knee had a big problem with that. Limped for a few days but nothing serious. I missed Gasparilla, but I heard ALL the stories.

Got back Sunday night (Feb 2nd), in my apartment for 15 minutes. Dad called. My Grandfather has passed away. Tuesday morning I was on a flight for Pennsylvania. Just so you know, berievement rates are bullshit. USAir offered me a flight for over $500. I was looking at a flight for $320 on Orbitz. "Oh, well why don't you just book in on Obritz then" said my friendly USAir telephone sales person. Yeah, thanks. PA was cold. There was snow on the ground, but not a fresh snow. It was the kind of snow that sat there for a while, collecting dirt. The services, well, they were nice. I met a lot of people who knew me when I was little. I didn't remember any of them. I kept asking my Dad who everyone was, but he didn't know everyone. A quick count of the guest book showed that over 600 people attended my Grandfathers wake. People who drove from an over an hour away, people who haven't seen him in years, and people who only knew him out of reputation. By far, the best moment of the week came when we scoured the basement for old photographs. Pictures from Laflin, Indiana, Boca Chase, Marco Island, and a million other places. Pictures of all different people. I felt bad because I didn't know who a lot of people were. Maybe I was just too young to remember. In every picture, my grandfather was surrounded by people who loved him. He made the most out of everything. Maybe that's why his passing showed a hint of happiness. As I looked down at him at the wake, I knew he was up above me with a big smile on his face. He accomplished everything he wanted to. Now it's his turn to sit back and watch us.

With all that's been going on, little things like laundry, eating, and transportation to and from the airport might seem minor. A year ago, I would've had to to worry about these things myself. After two weeks of taking care of me, it was time my attention focused back on Beth. Her birthday was on the 9th, althought she didn't want anyone to know. I'm not sure if I'm lucky or cursed that her birthday is five days before Valentines day. I admitted that I have absoluty no clue as far as what a woman would want for her birthday, so I flat asked out her. What I heard was "Blah blah blah blah blah blah ANYTHING from Anthropology, blah blah blah blah blah ANYTHING by Origins, blah blah blah". So I set out to Anthropology and Dillards (where they have Origins). Yes, I did the "combined" birthday/Valentines gifts in one night. Is that bad? I don't think so. I easily could've just split them down the middle. All that matters is that she liked her present. I "did really good", which basicly means that next year I have to beat this year.

Ok, that should bring us to present. Nothing else overly interesting to report, although I did have this dream the other night that I was working in some big military command center with all the big screens and computers around me. The alarm started to sound, so I jumped up and ran over to the control panel, hit the giant "Snooze" button, and went back to my desk. You should really feel good that I'm not in the military.