Eight six seven five three oh ni-ee-ine If you saw Bruce Almighty, the number on the pager is a real number in several area codes, including 727 (Pinellas Country). One goes to a pastor in California who believes God intentionally put the number in the movie so he could inform callers as to why the movie is blasphemous.

Great advances in medicine Researchers at Duke university received a 4.3 million dollar grant to conduct research on exercise levels and weight loss. Their conclusions: If you exercise, you lose weight, if you don't you gain weight.

Their next research project: Study the effects of Vodka on a person's sobriety. It's too early to tell, but they're guessing that the more vodka one drinks, the less sober the person will become. I can't wait for the results.

Thursday morning irony Get this, politicians from West Virginia, Virginia, Connecticut, New Jersey and Pennsylvania have sent letters to Miami, BC, and Syracuse. The Letters stating that leaving the Big East would cause serious damage to the remaining schools and jeapordize their students education, and efforts in womens athletics will be underminded

The truth: Big East will become a "Mid-Major" conference. Football attendence would drop causing less money to be spent in the local economy. You know what? That's really a valid concern. Think about how much revenue one home game can bring to a college town. Removing football could cause serious damage to local businesses. So why not just say that? Why the big guilt trip with ruining student's educations? My favorite line in the article: "The result (of being in the Big East) -- Big East students continue to excel". So if they drop football, will all the students fail? University of Miami students don't give a crap about their football team anyway. I should get to work now, my lapse in productivity is causing local elementry school kids to misbehave.

A question of semantics As I was about to pull away from the tollbooth on the Veteren's the other day, my official state toll collecter said to me, "Y'all have nice day!". A fairly common greeting way down here in the South, except for one thing: I was the only freakin person in the car! I spun my head around to make sure that nobody hopped in while I wasn't paying attention. Nope. I don't know, maybe she was referring to the sqaushed bugs that I still had neglected to wash from my winshield and figured that I liked to keep them as memorials in some sick way. Maybe she has psychic powers and somehow knew that I have split personalities and talk to myself out loud when I'm alone. Maybe I was talking to myself as I pulled up. Anyway, I didn't want to offend her, so I replied, "Umm, thanks, we will." Anyway, the whole situation confused us and we thought about it on the way home. We concluded that she probably just can't count past 1. I found out from a true southerner that "Y'all" can be directed towards a singular person.

I shwearsh oshiffer, I was jusht avoidin the blitzsh Here's Steve McNair's Mugshot after he was arrested for DUI.

A great injustice has been committed The Rev. Jesse Jackson is suing the producers of American Idol because Reuben (who is black) actually won by a larger margin than the show indicated, causing irrepable damage to the young man by stripping him of his right to claim that he "Whooped that cracker so hard, his mamma felt it!".

What oversight committee Maryland lawmakers discuss the state's budget deficit in the Virgin Islands.

More fun with ASCII art You know all those little smiley faces people put in their emails: :) =) ;) and the like. I saw a new one today: (.|.) - hee hee

Friday Morning Irony This morning I received spam about stopping spam:

You Heard Us Right!
We want to help you BLOCK THAT SPAM!!
Over the next few weeks a Brand New Product will burst upon the Internet scene that will FOREVER Change the way Email, Junk Mail and SPAM are handled.
You can be on the GROUND FLOOR of the launch of this astounding, universally needed product.

HAHAHA, this is kinda funny. If you read further (which you can't because I didn't post the whole thing), it turns out the guy owns the following companies: Banners Go MLM, FreeLinksNetwork, Bannerco-op.com, FreeMarketingInfo.biz, MySiteInc, and Build Referrals. Sounds like honest internet businesses to me.

Poor Puppies The University of Georgia suspended or declared ineligable 17 players. The players declared ineligble sold their SEC championship rings. So, according to the NCAA, if you own something, you can't sell it. Hmmm. Maybe they were upset that they didn't get a cut. Oh well, that's irrelivent. Rules are rules, especially if your coach specificly tells you not to do it.

Glad to know our money is going somewhere For some reason, I actually decided to read the newsletter that I got from the Social Security Adminstration. Apparently (or so I read) they send you a summary of what you have paid to SS over the past year and to make sure it's correct, blah, blah, blah, who cares? What I did find quite depressing was the following paragraph:

About Social Security's future...
Changes will be needed to meet the demands of the times. We're living longer and healthier lives, 79 million "baby boomers" are approaching retirement, and in about 30 yeears, there will be nearly twice as many older Americans as there are today.

Social Security now takes in more in taxes than it pays out in benefits. The excess funds are credited to Social Security's trust funds, which are expected to grow to over $4 trillion before we need to use them to pay benefits. In 2017, we'll begin paying more in benefits than we collect in taxes. By 2041, the trust funds will be exhausted and the payroll taxes collected will be enough to pay only about 73 percent of benefits owed. We'll need to resolve long-range financial issues to make sure Social Security will provide a foundation of protection for future generations as it has done in the past.

This sends chills down my spine. I saw the words, but my mind just couldn't grasp it. TWICE as many old people?!? There has to be a silver lining here. Maybe I'll start a chain of Denny's or open up a funeral home to capitalize on the glut. At least we won't have to worry about expensive car payments since nobody will want to drive a nice car. Not after averaging 43 accidents a month. Oh, about us never getting SS benefits, yeah what else is new?

I'm 3!!!! Visual Distortion turned 3 today!!

Sperm, egg, 9 months, you get the rest. My nephews are here!!!!

NOTE: They're only 10 hours old for Christ Sake, don't be surprised if we got a few of them mixed up. Brandon, Tyler, what's the difference? Dad came up with the headline

Miami in the ACC? It's in the works. I guess they're hightailing it out of the Big East now that UConn has a football team.

Wow, is he OLD!!

Sunday is Eric Abood's birthday!!

Send him some email

Bad ass of the year This is survival at all costs

WARNING: not for the squeamish Ok, now CNN is reporting that the boulder was only 200lbs. God damn liberal bias!