from the 'Why is this person still alive' files: Who could that be knocking at my door? George Banks, with a.44. It's a play on Who can it be now? by Men at Work. We used to sing this on the bus as it passed Schoolhouse lane, where George Banks killed 13 people. It hits home because it was four or five streets over from my elementry school. 21 years later, this guy might get off death row.

Perhaps not the best idea While we were in Orlando this weekend, I thought it might be fun to go to the ESPN bar:

• In Disney
• On Saturday
• In October
• During Game 6 of the World Series
• The night before the last round of the Funai Classic

We didn't get seated.

I don't think you need a special tool for that So Beth asks me to open her a bottle of Reisling, her favorite wine. Being the loving one that I am, I happily obliged. Of course, she had to ask me right in the middle of Coupling, which is one of my favorite shows. I informed her that if she would just have to wait until the next commercial. Alright, I asked her very nicely if I could wait until the next commercial.

Ok, so commercials come on. It's a race against time. I figured four, maybe five 30 second commercials, giving me 2 - 2 1/2 minutes (assuming my math is correct). Task number one: Locate the bottle of wine. On top of the fridge, done. Step 2: find a corkscrew. I knew ahead of time that this would be the most difficult step of my mission. Beth has an affinity for large tupperware storage bins. I knew which bin, but searching would take time; the one thing that I didn't have much of. I pulled the specified tupperware bin out of the cabinets and began digging through the mass of kitchenware. In the living room, I heard the noise cut to silence indicating that a commercial had ended. I held my breath, listening for the return of regular programming. Another commercial began and I let out a breath of air. The dig was not producing results and I was getting nervous. I then came accross an older corkscrew. Not our usual, but I had just succeeded in securing a fallback plan. This allowed me to relax a littie as I resumed my search for the primary target. Another commercial ends, luckily it leads to another. I knew my time was very short and made the call to abort and follow through with plan B, the old corkscrew. Nothing fancy about this guy. A screw attached to a wooden handle. It would require strength, it would require skill. I positioned the utility over the top of the bottle and prepared to push into the soft wood. As I applied pressure, something completely unexpected happened. With just a light about of pressure, the metal of the corkscrew fell completely through the top of the bottle. I immediately withdrew from the bottle. What the hell happened? It went right through. I didn't push the cork through did I? I carefully reapproached the subject. I studied the top of the bottle and the realization of what had happened struck me. There sat the bottle of Reisling with a large hole in its twist-off cap.

Always the sleepers I almost broke the 17th commandment: Thall shall not return an unwatched DVD to the Video Store. I rented The Italian Job and Confidence last Friday. Watched the Italian Job last Saturday because it was 2 night rental and I didn't want to break #17. Confindence sat on the table for the whole week. I told myself I'd get around it, and then all these game sevens were on, and it just looked like it was going to become a victim. Hey, I NEVER lose one on my watch. Ever. So tonight I sat down and forced myself to watch Confidence.

Good.....Freaking.....Movie

I was just wondering Are Hindus allowed to drink BeefEater?

Yeah, you want some of me?!? A few months ago, the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) began its blitzkrieg against anyone and everyone that shared an mp3. They searched college systems, peer-to-peer networks, and individual websites, throwing lawsuits around like McDonald's customers. There were those who fought back. Those who defied the big money machine by passing around as much copyrighted material as people could handle. With the few mp3s I had on my page, I had a choice. I could be a good little boy and take them down. I could give in to the only industry in America that sues their customers for using theri products. I wouldn't do that, would I? Damn right I did! As soon as the first lawsuits hit the news, my MP3 section was outta here. I didn't want some RIAA bloodhoud searching for Spotted Dick (which for some reason returns my site) to wonder onto my page and see that I have MP3s.

Now that a few months have passed and the RIAA has publicly stated that they are only targeting people who share thousands of songs, I have decided to restore the MP3 secition. I'm still too scared to use peer-to-peers, so I haven't downloaded anything good lately. Sorry!

Maybe not such a good idea I learned today that the state of Florida issues handicapped marked license plates for motorcycles.

We are the jokes I am the coach of old Florida
Down is our standard of play
I'm always excusing
The games I am losing
Despite all the money you pay Hey

I'm not real strong for old Florida
Don't think, just give me big cheers
Through "ifs," "buts," and "whethers,"
"We're better and better"
My spin is "just wait 'till next year."

Zook is also for sale on eBay

Thanks to Jen F.

I have been informed that Ron Zook is no longer for sale on eBay.

Forget the signs of revelations The Red Sox are in the ALCS, the Cubs are in the NLCS, the Gators are 3-3, and Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governer of California.

I'm gettin my ass to church.