How to have fun and earn cash

1. Find job in Australia
2. Take two hour lunches, get wasted.
3. Go back to the office drunk, or go home and pass out
4. Urinate in the trash cans
5. Get fired
6. Sue because the company is discriminating against your ADD disability and collect 10K plus severence pay
7. Go to Step #1 and repeat

Numbers don't lie I suck at golf. I mean, I can get the ball near the hole, eventually. But I never really took the time to measure just how much I suck. Well now I can! Introducing the Epson Toyocom Quartz Gyrosensor Golf Putter. Instead of waiting anxiously while your ball navigates the breaks, your putter will tell you immediately that you totally choked. The putter actually has a small LCD screen which spits out volumes of data allowing you to explore the depths of your suckitude. The deluxe model offers voice output to simulate laughter.

It's late, but this is too good

I was making my sandwich for tomorrow's lunch when I reached for a Publix resealable sandwich bag. And guess what I found inside the box? Twist ties!

Are they for backup? Is Publix not confident in their resealable sandwich bags that they threw these in just in case? The World's mysteries continue to perplex.

Epnot

I really wanted to do something nice for our 1st anniversary, so I splurged and took Beth to Epcot. We went on Thursday, BTW I HIGHLY recommend doing theme parks on random weekdays. Short waits, fewer screaming brats, and the bored look in the employee's eyes is priceless.

So anyway, EPCOT: Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow. Walt Disney's dream of a futuristic Utopian society that awaits us in the 21st century. Walt meant for Epcot to be a learning center, where the brightest minds in the world can come together and create ideas the likes of us could never even dream of. Ideas that will shape the way we live.

Walt: "We will build a theme park. We will increase ticket prices every year. We will never update any of the rides. We will charge 20% more for everything. And people will come from all around the world".

Walt's crony: "But wait sir, won't the people notice that nothing is changing"

Walt: "Ah yes, I have thought of this. We will occupy their time by building the World Food Court. In Mexico, we'll put them on a boat or something . In China, we'll feed them Bourbon Chicken. In France, we will staff waiters that don't speak English. We'll even have an America pavilion. Right Here in America, get it? Ha Ha.

Walt's crony: "But the people can't eat in every country. What we will do?"

Walt: "We'll put in shops. We'll fill those shops with items that can be purchased at half price at the local mall. We could have side shows, like 'Beers from around the World' with Harps, Guinness, Newcastle, and whatever else we can get from the right side of the beer aisle."

Walt's crony: "Will it work sir?"

Walt: "Oh my dear stupid little man. This will work for decades".

...and so it was.

Stoopid Leenux

Ok, I finally got my Personal Weblog Publishing System back up so I can get back to not posting.

For the one technical person that reads this site, my dumbass host switched to debian linux which Issue 50'ed every installation of MovableType. Luckily it could be saved by typing in some gawd awful long-ass shell command which made me feel not unlike a monkey typing in LOGO commands to draw a big target to fling poop at.

For the rest of you all, shit broke, shit fixed.